Dear ‘the real men’
The words in the ‘..’ were typed with the motive of getting your attention but you must know that there is no such thing as an unreal man, because the amount of testosterone in your system, the role played by this hormone in making you look and sound the way you do and your genitalia, all come together to give your manhood its certificate of realness(unfortunately, all humans are not real humans because physical attributes are not enough to award one with this rarely known and found certificate of ‘humanity’). I know how your masculinity feels attacked when you are addressed as a woman/girl and on contrary, a woman’s valor is complimented by calling her ‘mardaani’. And this, along with the patriarchy ingrained in our DNA, convinces you that crying, fear, skin care routines, roses, pink, unfiltered expression of emotions and hair removal are associated with womanhood. It is not your fault that you were conditioned to believe and preach that men provide, have a sturdy physique and an extraordinarily high threshold of physical and emotional pain, don’t cry or scream and deserve love only if they earn a 6-figure income and can beat a gang of ten robust men without any assistance and weapon. But it is your fault that you let yourself carry this baggage of expectations to justify your masculinity, fortitude and virility because, just like women are not supposed to be ‘fair’ to be considered beautiful, men are not supposed to conceal their true emotions to protect their manliness which is very prone to the attacks of mockery born out of a lame sense of humor.
You are allowed to have a chest size that is far less than that of a wrestler; you are allowed to admit that you love to be held and hugged; you are allowed to like pink more than blue; you are allowed to date a girl who is taller or earns more than you do; you are allowed to shed the tears of pain, joy, loneliness or love; you are allowed to be vulnerable and needy and lost and broken and you are allowed to express it all without the fear of being judged because crying doesn’t make you less of a man, it just makes you a human, because ‘mard ko bhi dard hota hai’, because the ones who call you a woman/girl for being expressive, speak from a place of insecurity and not intellect.
Tall/short, emotional/rational, with a moustache/without a moustache, fair/dark, gay/straight, regardless of how you look and choose to express yourself and your sexuality, you are a real man and you must not let any man, woman, pseudo-feminist, male chauvinist, uncle or aunty tell you otherwise.
Regards
A feminist/ believer of equal rights
👏👏👏👏..
Thankyou♥️
Amazing 😍😍👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
Thank you sir😊
👌👌👌🤝
Thank you sir😊
Ultimate👌🔥🔥
Thankyou Rishab♥️
A great topic taken up. Well written👌
Thankyou Roshni♥️
Well said!
Thankyou♥️
Very well said.
I think both the genders need to read this.
Thankyou so much ♥️
Thoughtful 100%♥️
Creative 100%♥️
Thankyou so much ♥️
💯💯
Thankyou😊
It’s so right 💯
Thank you😊
👌👌
Thank you Tanya😊
💯💯💯💯
Thank you so much Kavleen♥️ You are an amazing human(and an amazing chef)♥️
Well said.
Critique:
The process of “feminization of men” can be seen in big cities now a days:The metrosexual men.They don’t shy away from wearing pink,they spend more time in saloon than girls do to get their hair done et al.But underneath all that whats intrinsic comes out eventually in certain circumstances.
You point out that men are allowed to be vulnerable but in my opinion and experience women compel us to “be a man”
Thank you for reading Sushank😊
This letter is a consequence of multiple observations,the list that includes the point you have raised because as we move towards what seems like an actual progress, there is this small section that represents the desirable change, while the majority refuses to bid farewell to their disturbing and irrelevant definitions of ‘manhood’ and ‘womanhood’. This piece of writing finds its roots in the belief that patriarchy is known to impact women in conspicuous ways but we fail to notice that every time a guy is told he should not be crying because ‘ladke rote nai hain’ as crying is for the weak, we are actually snatching away from a boy/man, his right to express himself without the fear of being judged for venting out his emotions through tears, something that should not be controlled/changed/held within for the sake of being recognized as ‘a real man’, along with reducing the expression of pain,joy,love etc. to an unpleasant thing, meant only for the weaker of the two genders.
I tell men that it is okay to be vulnerable but you have come across women who believe and preach differently and that, speaks volumes about the need to bring such topics up and honestly,this one piece of writing doesn’t possess the potential to change things over night; just like the fact that women have been fighting for equality since so long that some people believe that the subject is overrated,yet everyday young girls are being trafficked as child brides,raped by several men on the way and then raped and beaten up by their own husbands throughout their lives, with the majority blaming the victim herself for everything she goes through. Similarly, I can do my bit of saying things that I firmly believe in, hoping that someday the desirable change would be practised by the majority, but whatever challenges the core of conditioning,takes time to emerge out triumphant. Till then men and women will keep asking women to look a certain way to be called beautiful and the same men and women will keep expecting men to behave a certain way to justify their manhood.
Again,very well said.
And I agree 100% that this article may not bring drastic changes but indeed its a part of the process,a long one to do away with the ills of patriarchy.Just like patriarchy was embedded in both the genders through a long drawn process of say 1,000 years.Simlarly it will take time to drive out patriarchy as a norm.
P.S: I read your bio and it says you are a feminist.In my opnion,the whole concept of feminism is flawed.I am not trying discredit the goals it wants to achieve but the means it uses.Feminism demands for equality. Women do need equality in certain cases like equal wages,equal right to vote,equal share in property et al.But most of all women need equity in the society.